Korean Quickie – Male Bonding
I wasn’t sure what I was seeing at the time, but after my first few months in South Korea a reality about life here made itself clear: Koreans like to drink. Even more, many like to get drunk. Like any and all observations based solely on one’s own experience, it’s biased, and I accept the fact that I may be totally wrong in this generalization. But I don’t think so.
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Korean Quickie – Mothers and Daughters
The stuff described here happened a while ago. A lot of interesting things happen to me in Korea, but I can’t always think of a way to frame them for a blog post. Some recent events made me think of this incident. They gave me a reason to write it, as well as something to tie it all together. Hope you think it’s well written, that the few alliterations and assonances are clever, that it had something to say, and that, overall, I’m pretty dope. If you do, thank you.
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When I first came to Korea there were a few things I noticed. Firstly, I’m strange and deserve to be gawked at. Secondly, Korean women dress half naked, at least their bottom half. Anything short of showing pubic hair is socially acceptable. Third, Korean kids are damn cute.
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Korean Quickie – My Home Until I’m Home
I live in South Korea. It’s my home, but it’s not my home. This is a fictionalized true story of me coming to some resolution about the contradiction. It happened about two weeks ago and I hope it’s as fun to read as it was to write. Please comment if it is. Thank you.
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My summer vacation was fun enough. I went to a beach; I drank apple martinis; I spent time writing; I slept late; I got really physical with a Korean girl in a damn sauna of a club called Club Maktum down in Busan on a night where I was a good wing man to a sexually frustrated friend, but slept alone. It was fun enough, but it wasn’t what I planned.
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Korean Quickie – “Venus” – Sex, Smiles, And Dating In Korea (Vol. 3)
I fell in love in Korea. It turned to shit, as love affairs tend to do. I wrote about the painful thing a few months ago specifically for a publication that later rejected it, so I thought this would be a good place for it. This is the last volume in Sex, Smiles, and Dating in Korea. I hope you like it better than some unnamed editor did. Please comment if you do.
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“Venus”
We fucked the first night we met, and it was pretty good.
Neither of us were looking for anything serious. What it boiled down to was that everyone has needs, and it’s hard to get those needs met in a foreign country where men perm their hair and women want to get married before they’re twenty-two.
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Korean Quickie – Sex, smiles, and dating in Korea (vol. 2)
So this is the second, shorter, and less sexual segment of the three volume series of shorts under the title Sex, Smiles and Dating in Korea. Though no sex actually happens it’s still a great/fun read. I hope you enjoy, and leave a comment if you do.
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It was a totally new building with glass walls and a wonderful view of the woodsy campus behind the main school building. I sat inside this new cafeteria with six other teachers who, because of the new lunch schedule that accompanied the new building, weren’t used to eating with me – the foreigner. I ate kimchi and occasionally sniffed the queer smelling chemical scents given off by the building materials.
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Korean Quickie – Sex, Smiles, and Dating in Korea (Vol. 1)
This is the first part in a series of shorts about, you guessed it, sex, smiles and dating in Korea. I only have one other story in mind, but I may add others. These stories are real, but I make no apologies for the lies that they contain. Writers are lies and can’t be trusted.
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Me and a co-worker of mine started taking Muay Thai classes in April. His name is Mr. 김(Kim) and since I arrived last December he’s taken to the idea of being my older brother – my 형님. He wants to give me advice and expose me to Korean culture. It was Mr. 김(Kim) who told me about the Muay Thai gym.
I find the relationship to be a bit overwhelming sometimes, but he means well and I’m thankful for the attention and the free dinners he sometimes takes me out to.
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Korean Quickie – Japanese pornography
The class topic for today was Travel. I gave my students vocabulary like “Sightseeing,” and “Backpacking.” They learned the phrase, “The food here is exotic.”
After this I asked several of them to tell me what country they would like to go to and why. This is the exchange between me and a Mr. 백. With both of us smiling pleasantly I began.
Me: Okay, Mr. 백 so tell me what country you would like to go to and tell me why? For example, I would like to travel to Australia to go sightseeing. Now you.
Mr. 백: I would like to travel to Japan to see the porno.
Me: Porno… You want to go to Japan to see their porno?
Mr. 백: Yes teacher.
Me: … Porno?
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Korean Quickie – Bad Teacher
I went to work a few weeks ago and saw a print out of my name near the front door entrance. The sheet of paper had some Korean characters on it. Not being able to read Korean I asked one of the school staff members about it: “Why is my name on this poster? Did I do something wrong?”
Based on stories I’ve heard about private academies (hagwons) in Koreaas, well as some of my recent experiences, I was concerned for my job. Jinny, the staff member, seemed pleasantly surprised however and said, “Really. Wow. You won the Cross Cafe contest.”
“The what?”
I had won a contest that honored the teacher who had most students participate in my Academy’s new project – an attempt to get kids to do more work outside of the classroom. Cross Cafe was an online platform that allowed students to post presentations and projects. They were also able to comment on the posts of other students…
I didn’t know I was even in a contest. Nodding at Jinny I said “okay,” and walked toward my classroom, quickly forgetting the sign and my temporary fear of joblessness.
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Korean Quickie – There is hope
The things in this story happened to me as I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that I lived in another country. It was an understanding that was great, but saddening at the same time. The kindness of many random Korean people was the great part. If you enjoy this story please use the social media tools below. Thanks.
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Throughout most of my life I’ve kept a relatively pessimistic perspective on things. A glance at my childhood pictures show cold stares sprinkled with regret. There was never a specific reason, and though I abhor the idea of blaming it on “my nature” (whatever that is), happiness was, and is, a elusive thing to me. The things I desired didn’t desire to be around me, so I grew up always expecting very little out of the life that I counted everyday of.
Moving to South Korea was an extension of that phenomenon. I wanted to be in the publishing industry just as mergers were allowing companies to fire their staff, and print media in general was walking the path worn out years ago by the Tasmanian tiger, the Bermuda Ern, and the eight track tape. During my internship as Farrar Straus and Giroux an assistant editor talked to me:
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